The Rackoldy Ickthoblerp
The Rackoldy Ickthoblerp is known for reproducing after it is deceased. The Ickthoblerp dies from the inside out starting in the digestive tract, and their bellies start bloating with the gases of decomposition days before the creature is actually dead. The dead bodies from mass synchronized “die offs” float to the surface of the ocean and wash ashore in large numbers. Continue reading “The Rackoldy Ickthoblerp Trading Card”
The Twirlerated Ferpdertle
The Twirlerated Ferpdertle feeds almost exclusively on cigarette butts and is known for the elaborate nests it makes from dandelion fluff and used chewing gum. Continue reading “The Twirlerated Ferpdertle Trading Card”
The Bonstipated Snudge
The Bonstipated Snudge has an appetite for construction rubble, and so it is often bonstipated, which is much worse than constipated because it involves bricks. Continue reading “The Bonstipated Snudge Trading Card”
Dufus Duh Unikorn in Color
Do you know why Dufus duh Unikorn is celebrating? Because he’s been colorized. He’s also practicing his dance moves to some 1970s disco. They’re getting ready for Erika’s birthday party. They’re all drinking wine and dancing while Erika finishes her makeup, but then they’re going out –first to The Dance Hole and then to Blonjaloon for late night. Maybe we will see some Bronies. I wish Erika would hurry!
Dufus Rockin Out
Dufus Duh Unikorn is rockin out.
Bugly Bear Perplexed
Bugly Bear is perplexed.
Is Ted Cruz the Antichrist or just the creepiest politician ever shat by Satan? Could the man be any less sincere?
Why does a man with a Cuban father and a Princeton education sound like a deep-fried televangelist every time he speaks? How much time and effort did he spend trying to sound like that?
Could Ted Cruz’s voice sound any more phony if instead of doing the televangelist shtick, he went around doing a bad impersonation of an Italian accent?
Da solution to alla da problems is to shova da religion into da politics ever chance-a we-a getta. I wisha dat alla da peoples in da USA wassa as-a dumma as-a da religious dumbassas inna Texasa. Denna I coulda be-a da Presidenta.
You can’t fix the economy until you do something about these gays and lesbians. They won’t even let you go to the store these days without making you say you love ’em.
The legislature tried to fix it, but the governor vetoed it because the supreme court was going to make them be gay in the schools if he didn’t.
Mean Maggot says that he is voting Dunfrump for President all the way:
It’s gonna be Dunfrump in November. Fuck these Liberals and Muslims and shit. Tell the fucking world how it’s going to be, and that’s it.
Make them pay for it too. He’s going to make the country great again. Do it like a corporation and all. Big and bad to the bone and none of this EPA global warming shit. Screw the dumbasses and whiners. Like they know what the fuck they’re talking about.
Madame Froganella demonstrates the appropriate way to apologize for flatulence when an animal or small child is not conveniently nearby.
You know the frog that got kissed and turned back into a prince? Madame Froganella used to date him. She was his for-now chick. That’s how she got all sophisticated. Before she met the prince, she went by “Tammy.”
Back then, all she did was rewatch her favorite seasons of The Batchelor and bitch about her job at the mall.
Stanky Catfish has a fur ball. He coughs and coughs but can’t get it up. It’s because he’s shedding. I brush him three or four times a week, but my sofa and love seat are covered in fur. If only he would stay in the aquarium.