The Daisy-Tailed Moople Trading Card

The Daisy-Tailed Moople

The Daisy-Tailed Moople

The Daisy-Tailed Moople hides in flower beds and sneaks up on people sunbathing in public parks. It rapidly licks the insides of the victim’s noses. Or ears. Or eyes. Or mouth. Or all of the above in a frantic rush back and forth before the victim can sit up and yell what the fuck.

Testing by the US military revealed that the Moople’s tongue can lick every orifice in a napping person’s head at least three times before that person has the first clue what is happening.

Fun Fact:

The use of weaponized Mooples is a war crime, but that didn’t discourage the League of Lesbian Grandmothers from building their whole military campaign around them.


Any public park in the springtime when you doze off in the warm sunshine for just a second.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.