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Holy Fuck Turtle

“If you don’t want to see a turtle’s pecker, then don’t scare the shit out of it.” -ancient Sumerian proverb

What the Sumerian proverb refers to is the fact that the turtles of the ancient world were a lot more confrontational and would rear back and say “come at me bro” if you messed with them. In the ancient Sumerian epic Gilgamesh, the hero uses kung fu to righteously kick the asses of several belligerent turtles, and that is why the SPCA includes a copy of the text in its annual book burnings.

Fun Fact:

According to the textbook Creation Science For The Homeschooled American Patriot, “a turtle normally walks around on all fours and keeps its pecker hidden from the world.”