Trump: God’s Gift To America

Trump: God’s Gift To America

For God so loved the world, that he gave us Donald J. Trump, the only man  who can save America.

1 Share = 1 Prayer.

Better than Jesus. Donald J. Trump. He’s huge.

[I have always loved this painting because of when and where I saw it as a boy, and it caused me physical pain to deface this it with Trump’s face. But I figured that the harm that evangelicals were doing to Christianity by supporting Trump and insisting they were still followers of Christ was much worse than anything I could do with a piece of unauthorized political art.

It actually made me proud to have grown up Mormon that so many members of the LDS church were vocal critics of Trump during the election. After hearing all my life from fundamentalists that Mormons aren’t really Christians, it was nice to see a very public demonstration of who was who on the stuff that counts. -J.]

Bloaty The Maggot Animated GIF

Bloaty The Maggot

Bloaty The Maggot cartoon has his own theme song, which is sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman.”

The song is what the bad kids sing in that terrible Stephen King book Mark of Cain, the one about the grotesquely malformed boy in a wheelchair with alcoholic parents living in a trailer park. Continue reading “Bloaty The Maggot Animated GIF”

The Shithead Gnat Trading Card

The Shithead Gnat

The Shithead Gnat or Little Flying Mutha Fuckas are tiny gnats that feel like fire ants covered in cayenne pepper when they crash into your eyeball, which is what they are known for.

First you slap your eye hard enough to see stars. Then you rub the damn thing around trying to get it out of your eye and mash it all to pieces, making it so much worse. Every last piece of a Shithead Gnat burns like pure cayenne pepper, every last drop of bodily fluid, every last fragment of antenna, leg, etc., and so your eye runs with tears like a faucet for the next quarter hour or so. Continue reading “The Shithead Gnat Trading Card”

The Polyceraphant Trading Card

The Polyceraphant

The Polyceraphant or Ouchneck’d Snuffeldy-Pig is living proof that triceratops and elephant DNA should never be combined. Blame the Martsanto Corporation for this one.

Actually, the lion’s share of the blame falls squarely on Martsanto intern Bob “the Blerf” Blerfman.

If the Blerf hadn’t faked the autoclave reports so many times because he was always in the restroom jerking off that summer, then there wouldn’t have been the prolonged period of cross contamination in laboratory glassware, which was exactly what was needed for autochimerization to occur. Continue reading “The Polyceraphant Trading Card”