The Tufted Heptonkle Trading Card

The Tufted Heptonkle

The Tufted Heptonkle

The Tufted Heptonkle will die if deprived of fluorescent lighting and motivational posters and is most at home in cubicles eight feet wide or less. The Tufted Heptonkle can influence external events through its psychoteletronic abilities, which it uses to cause everything in the workplace to go to shit at once. This creature is most active on Monday mornings following three-day weekends. The Heptonkle breeds during meetings conducted by Human Resources and Marketing departments and lays its eggs inside photocopier machines.

Fun Fact:

At least half the glyphs in the Mayan calendar involve a Tufted Heptonkle copulating on a conference table or defecating on a laptop.


Corporate strategy sessions, sales conferences, sensitivity awareness seminars.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.