The Merpus Kongadoot Trading Card

The Merpus Kongadoot

The Merpus Kongadoot

The Merpus Kongadoot is a tiny multi-cellular organism that lives inside people’s brains and helps them ignore inconvenient information in favor of more comforting explanations of what’s going on.

It would be difficult to say exactly how much the human race owes the tiny Kongadoot in terms of preventing unnecessary stress and anxiety. Were it not for this creature, people would hardly be able to do ordinary things like shop for furniture or put gas in their SUVs without having panic attacks over climate change. Not to mention the end of the rain forests, or the hundreds of miles of plastic trash floating on the surface of the Pacific Ocean, or the number of plants and animals expected go extinct this year alone.

But thanks to the merpazoid secretions of the little Kongadoots in our brains, we don’t have to worry about any of that crazy climate change stuff because the scientists just made it all up like they did their evolution nonsense, and Jesus wouldn’t let it happen noway. I love me some Merpus Kongadoots up in my brain.

Fun Fact:

“Kongadoot” is the name of the famous dance from Aesop’s “Fable of the Blind Hippopotamus,” in which the fox tells the ass that if he dances the kongadoot across the river, the crocodiles won’t be able to bite him. Needless to say, the crocodiles bite the shit out of the ass, who continues to dance the kongadoot because he is a stupid ass.


Human brains, whale scrotums, prunes, other wrinkly things.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.