The Stinktoe Tisperwhisp Trading Card

The Stinktoe Tisperwhisp Trading Card

The Stinktoe Tisperwhisp

The Stinktoe Tisperwhisp is technically more of a jimbiffle than a true tisperwhisp, but only assholes argue over shit like that, to quote Saint Augustus.

The more important fact about the Stinktoe is that it likes to walk through cat shit or dog shit before it walks on newly-waxed automobiles and freshly-painted surfaces. Even though the tiny Stinktoe has hooves, the sticky fecal residue on them enables the creature to walk straight up walls and onto ceilings like a gecko.

It also enables the Stinktoe to make any outdoor surface look like complete shit within 6 to 12 months of installation.

Sure the Stinktoe looks all tiny and cute, but it is possibly the most annoying of all the branded fairy tale beasts that were genetically engineered for little kid birthday parties, and that is saying quite a lot.

Prescribed burning, explosives, electric bug zappers, and poisons of all types have little to no impact of backyard populations. Once the Stinktoe establishes itself in a neighborhood, most homeowners reconcile themselves to letting their cars, decks, and porches all look like shit.

Fun Fact:

Scientists tell us that at least 80% of all the filth that accumulates on outdoor surfaces can be attributed to the Stinktoe. It might look like bird droppings or slug trails or tree sap, but it’s all Stinktoe.


Any place you can find to park a borrowed car or put patio furniture or anything else you would prefer stay clean.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.