The Snittle Wibsy Trading Card

The Snittle Wibsy Trading Card

The Snittle Wibsy

The Snittle Wibsy is the most evil creature to ever come from the Walt Disney corporation’s secret labs, worse than the sodomy pandas or the decapitation chipmunks or anything else they ever made for the CIA.

The Snittle Wibsy is more diabolical than any of these because it is a supernatural parasite that controls its host’s mind using a mixture of extreme cuteness and demonic telepathy.

The Wibsy secures a host by snuggling up to the person’s face while they are sleeping. When the person wakes, there is the tiny creature on the pillow beside them, warm, fluffy, adorable, and filled with supernatural malevolence.

The Wibsy makes pathetic chirping sounds, which are somewhere between the saddest meow a kitten can make and the whimper of a puppy. While crying like this, it rolls around on its back helplessly and makes big sad eyes at its prospective host, who is unable to look away.

The host responds by baby talking to the Wibsy, stroking its head, and promising to make burnt offerings to Cthulhu:

“Yes mams, dat sweet Snittle Wibsy, we gonna summon that ole Cthulhu with the black rights of outer darkness. Yes we are. We gonna make burnt offerings of blood and entrails to the Devourer of Souls. Yes mams, dat sweet Snittle Wibsy bear.”

While the host babbles on and on, promising to decapitate the local minister and urinate on the altar, the Snittle Wibsy continues making its cooing  chirps and peeps. This is the sound of its demonic powers burning through the soul of its victim.

Fun Fact

Betsy Devos sleeps in a pile of Snittle Wibsies.


The scorched wastes of hell, the Trump Whitehouse, other locations abandoned of God.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.