The Backward-Assed Anusimian Trading Card

The Backward-Assed Anusimian Trading Card

The Backward-Assed Anusimian

The Backward-Assed Anusimian allowed people to see what can happen when the same computer network carries data for everything from digital gene splicers to photocopy machines.

In a more innocent world, people used to think that double exposures in old photographs were creepy. If only they could have seen what resulted from someone drunkenly photocopying their ass at an office party while someone else was still cloning rhesus monkeys to meet a project deadline.

Fun Fact

As horrific as the creature was, the Anusimian soon proved an invaluable research animal, capable of predicting the highest-rated nightly stories on conservative infotainment drama shouting programs.

The Anusimian was over 99% accurate with stories about Benghazi and Hillary’s emails and a host of other money-making topics, and it is no secret the Sean Hannity uses the creatures to test market every line of his programs.


Cages in the dank basements of the Fox News studios, next to the waterboarding-is-not-torture demonstration equipment.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.