The Pork-Roast Dolphin
The Pork-Roast Dolphin was genetically engineered by Seaworld of Omaha to provide a slow-moving target for the sport of competitive indoor harpooning and to help to fill shortages in the world’s supply of cheap pork.
For the creature’s impact on the sport of competitive indoor harpooning, Seaworld of Omaha won the SPCA’s coveted Idea of the Year award for “an innovative solution to a practical problem affecting us all.”
Meat from the creature is widely used for school lunches except in the seven states where it has been banned due to the controversy over its safety.
Claims that consuming Pork-Roast Dolphin causes mammary glands to develop on the palms of the hand have NOT been substantiated, but something is definitely causing it, with new cases diagnosed all the time.
The dreaded condition known as Tahtahs de las Manos may have originated in Latin America, but it now afflicts millions worldwide.
No one knows how the Pork-Roast Dolphin escaped into the wild or how it manages to survive and reproduce in the open sea, but it does so very well. Current populations in the Atlantic Ocean are estimated to exceed two million animals. Not even commercial fishing has been able to slow their expanding population.
The good news is that Spam and other canned pork-meat products now cost next to nothing thanks to “the bacon of the sea.”