The Skittering Skadoodle
The Skittering Skadoodle is the smallest of the moose-sandpiper hybrids. It’s about the size of a sparrow. It nests on the ground in large colonies of several million, where it skitters around underfoot, screaming its head off every time anything passes near its eggs.
The Skadoodle is best known for having won America’s Funniest Genetic Compiler Accident’s fifth season. That was the season when the piranha monkeys got disqualified because of all the lawsuits, and everybody got pissed off, and so the Republicans in Congress passed the “Freedom to Entertain” Act.
It was a good thing too because next season there were the rabid spider pandas and the mold that ate concrete. How could they make the show if everyone could keep on suing them every time every little detail didn’t work out just right?
Fortunately, AFGCA gave us many innocuous diversions such as the Skittering Skadoodle, whose only crime is that it spreads a little bubonic plague and anthrax with its feces.
The Skadoodle has a high metabolism and eats and shits constantly all over the place.
According to medieval folk tales and legends, the Skadoodle built its nest using stolen earwax, which was once held to be the source of male virility.
Medieval knights lived in terror of the Skadoodle because it was small enough to slip through a wounded knight’s visor as he lay helpless on the battlefield and steal all his earwax.
Supposedly the Skadoodle was quick enough to be in and out before a healthy knight could stop what he was doing and get his helmet off.
For this reason, knights in France kept a dead squirrel or cat inside their helmets in hopes the smell would ward off the Skadoodles.
If this seems extreme, keep in mind that this was at a time when people didn’t bath, at least not for long periods during wars and droughts and other routine hardships, and so the inside of the helmet already smelled something awful. The rotting corpse of a small animal merely gave it that little extra, that little je ne sais quois.
Any place outside when you are walking with a hangover and you desperately need to avoid noises of all kinds, especially the shrieks of thousands of tiny creatures running around all over the place.