The Mump-Mouthed Gundersludge Trading Card

The Mump-Mouthed Gundersludge

The Mump-Mouthed Gundersludge

The Mump-Mouthed Gundersludge is the true source of all Vaporwave music and not the down-pitched samples of 1980s pop as claimed by hipsters. Genetic engineering can only do so much, and so the creators of the Gundersludge recommend feeding the creature exclusively on molasses, tar, and carpet adhesive so that its voice has the hallucinogenic melting sound that defines Vaporwave vocals.

The Gundersludge was created using genetic material from parakeets, the dodo bird, and various uber hipsters. That is why Gundersludge insists on making pretentious statements about the counter-cultural significance of its music.

Fun Fact:

Looking at Vaporwave artwork online is one of the most depressing activities a person over 40 can do. Remember all that nauseous pink and teal crap from the 1980s? Imagine kids making rehashed versions of it and getting excited about it and making stilted claims about its anti-corporate significance. Of all the shit that corporations have stolen, the thing you want to steal back is the 1980s douchebag color scheme?


Piles of sweaty clothing left behind at raves.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.