The Lurking Snurk
The Lurking Snurk are the weirdest thing ever: space tourists from a gaseous planet who came to the earth to smell our farts.
With their arrival, some of our butts became the equivalent of a famous gourmet restaurant with a waiting list, but there were so many of the tiny Snurk on Earth that everyone’s butt got snurked from time to time, even the people with substandard farts.
“Snurk!” is the loud honking sound they make when they suddenly inhale and go spherical right next to a farting person’s butt. From this sound comes their human name. The Snurk refer to themselves as “Gary” or “the Gary” or sometimes “Garykind.”
Since the arrival of the Snurk, it is no longer possible to sneak one out in silence.
First you have the loud honks, and then the bloated spherical Snurk slowly floats up to the ceiling, like a cartoon bubble of the fart you just let out.
The Snurk takes care of the smell of the fart by snorting it all up, but that isn’t much of a consolation if it happens when you are on camera or in the most important meeting of your life or in the process of losing your virginity, or you were already suffering some sort of embarrassment or other unwanted public attention.
On the flip side, watching C-SPAN and going to church services have become a lot more entertaining since the Snurk arrived.
When the Snurk arrived, they were suddenly everywhere at once by the tens of billions. People would have been terrified of the creatures if they hadn’t instantly demonstrated how harmless they were.
Sure they were alien invaders, but if all they did was to eat farts and float up to the ceiling and get batted around by the ceiling fan until you used a broom to push it floating out a window, it was hard to be afraid of them.
Even after it was obvious that the Snurk ate farts and were here to do nothing else, obvious even to children, Donald Trump was still insisting that the reason he was surrounded by so many floating Snurk was that they admired his wisdom and were attempting to communicate with the smartest man on Earth.
Trump was still saying this even after human scientists established communication with the Snurk and could say precisely what the Snurk thought about anything because they could simply ask the Snurk.
Scientists eventually connected the Internet to the Snurk media network, and then ordinary people could find out that the Snurk thought about anything, but Trump still stuck to his narrative that the creatures had come to Earth to compliment him on his genius.
The CDC and several other government agencies issued strong warnings not to view Lurk video feeds directly on the Snurk network without the digital filter in place because unfiltered videos could induce seizures in humans and possibly cause brain damage.
Nevertheless, on the day the connection to the Internet was made public, Trump was captured on camera looking directly at the Snurk ambassador’s personal data screen and pointing to different details on it instead of the large screen they had set up for the human audience.
Sarah Sanders Huckabee insisted that the President’s seizure later that day was unrelated and that the President did not look at any screen not intended for humans.
Hovering around Donald Trump’s butt because he is the smartest man in the world.
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