The Brainivorous Tricerabeetle Trading Card

The Brainivorous Tricerabeetle Trading Card

The Brainivorous Tricerabeetle

The Brainivorous Tricerabeetle is actually a miniature marsupial and not an insect, but it is smaller than a housefly, and it is a parasite of the most pernicious kind.

The Tricerabeetle burrows into the ear canals of people watching Fox News and other forms of conservative infotainment drama shouting.

It secretes a hormone that numbs the host’s brain and causes it to ignore anything negative done by a Republican, no matter how extreme or inept or shameful or contrary to basic American principals or even contrary to basic conservative principals.

The Tricerabeetle’s hormone also causes its victim to believe anything negative said about Democrats, not matter how unlikely or misrepresented or just plain untrue.

Eventually the Tricerabeetle consumes enough of its host’s brain so that the victim loses all sense of factual reality. Claims made by Sean Hannity suddenly trump basic facts learned back in chemistry or accounting classes, not to mention those learned in kindergarten and Sunday school.

Fun Fact

The Brainivorous Tricerabeetle was genetically engineered by an Australian billionaire as a means of enhancing his existing network of privatized propaganda.


The skulls of people more worried about dictating the bathroom privileges of transgender people than about all the emergencies of a planet with an exploding population.

More Improbable Creatures:

This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.