Category: Cap’n Clickbait

Amazing facts about QAnon and your mom.

Fact Check: Satan’s Emissary Hates Pence

Fact Check: Not Even Satan’s Emissary Varlax the Impure Can Stand Mike Pence.

Consider this quote from Varlax’s most recent appearance on Fox and Friends:

“I mean, hear me out. I’ve had to listen to Stalin, Hitler, and more psycho serial killers than I can shake a stick at, but this guy is too much. All that phony godliness, and he’ll still tell any lie they give him, doesn’t matter how bald face it is. Say fucking anything. Makes me wanna puke.”

Varlax the Impure, Satanic Emissary to the Trump Campaign

Remember When Obama? Trump Memes

Trump’s cult ignores behavior that would have gotten any previous US President removed from office.

Stimulus Checks

Remember when Obama held up the emergency stimulus checks so his name could be printed on them?
Neither do I, but I remember when this guy did it.

Political Convention

Remember when Obama held his political party’s convention at The White House?
Neither do I, but I remember when this guy did it.

China

Remember when Obama lied and said China would pay for his tariffs?
Neither do I, but I remember when this guy did it.

Combat Veterans

Remember when Obama insulted our decorated combat veterans?
Neither do I, but I remember when this guy did it.

Transition of Power

Remember when Obama refused to commit to a peaceful transition of power?
Neither do I, but I remember when this guy did.

Stoned-Guy Coronavirus-Lockdown Meme

LOCKDOWN 2020

MOST YEARS YOU ONLY GET TO CELEBRATE 420. THIS YEAR IT’S 2420.

How odd is it that the people who like to think of themselves as patriotic or religious are violating quarantine lockdown orders without regard to the public good or the lives of the old and infirm?

How odd is it that ordinary deadbeat stoners staying home and getting high are contributing more to public safety than all these other idiots?

For years I knew April 2020 was going to be wild and crazy, but this shit is fucked up in ways I could have never imagined:

A reality-TV star President with dementia attacking reporters and boasting about what a good job he is doing in what is supposed to be a daily briefing about an unprecedented worldwide crisis.

A man who cannot open his mouth without lying or boasting or name calling or sounding like a spoiled vindictive child. Endless petty squabbles. Endlessly describing people as geniuses and then idiots when they disagree with him.

And to top it off: There are still stupid motherfuckers out there saying he is doing a good job.

Rick and Morty Donald Trump Meme

“Listen Morty, whatever you do, don’t go to the multiverse where
Donald Trump is President. It totally sucks, and it’s a deathtrap.”

“You mean that reality-TV star who went to prison for laundering
money for the Russian mob? How is he President?”

“That’s only in the multiverses where Fox News didn’t convince all the
evangelical rednecks that Hillary Clinton was the AntiChrist.”

-Jethro Sleestak wuz here.

Liar Huckabee

Post-Factual Mob-Rule America music video

Can you believe that you pay taxes to pay this person to lie to you?

Here’s the list of skills list I think should be on Sarah Huckabee Sanders ‘s resume:

Professional liar towing the party line at all times. Night is day and day is night, etc. No lie too brazen. Will say anything for the rich and powerful.

Here is my summary of her statements as a civil servant:

There isn’t any fire.
The press is lying.
The Democrats hate America.
That is the real problem.
Get back to work you.

New and Improved Mormonism

“Pray for Bigfoot. Don’t let him explode like Jesus.”

That’s the central belief of New and Improved Mormonism.

You have to understand that New and Improved Mormons (NIMs) are just like other Christians in that they believe in Jesus Christ as the divine son of God and the savior of all mankind and that he was resurrected and all that.

The difference is that NIMs also believe that the sins of the world became so great that Jesus exploded from the overload, and Bigfoot had to take over. They call that tragic event the Divine Sasquatchination and believe that it happened around the time of Donald Trump’s third medical deferment from military service during the Viet Nam war.

Continue reading “New and Improved Mormonism”

Does This Hole In My Head Make Me Look Stupid?

Donald Trump Hole In Head

Donald Trump: Does this hole in my head make me look stupid?

The man does not think before he speaks and picks fights randomly, but you think he has solutions to complex problems.

Donald Trump is a reality-TV star with dementia, a salesman of the lowest bullshit kind.