The Yankled Kundermumpf
The Yankled Kundermumpf is an imp with the butt of a chicken that dark lord Satan uses to get skaters to try stunts they shouldn’t. If some kid’s teeth go flying across the concrete, or if their crotch lands on a metal railing so violently that a testicle ruptures, you can be sure that the Yankled Kundermumpf has whispered something stupid into someone’s ear not too long before.
The Yankled Kundermumpf follows up every dumb-ass suggestion it makes by asking if the person is a chicken and then making the “bock bock bock” chicken sound.
Fun Fact:
Before the Internet, teenage boys couldn’t post videos of themselves in the process of being injured for life, and so America’s youth were forced to rely on their own imagination for coming up with ways to lose an eye or a finger. They did surprisingly well all on their own, and the Yankled Kundermumpf was there to suggest things like jumping off the barn or chasing the combine harvester if they got stumped.
Habitat:
Just out of earshot when parents are hoping to have a quiet weekend. Now extinct. Replaced by Internet parkour videos.
More Improbable Creatures:
This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.
