The Poopled Snart
The Poopled Snart was genetically engineered from the DNA of guinea pigs and long-haul truck drivers addicted to amphetamines. The creature is very high strung, and it frantically collects dog turds and attaches them to its back as a form of camouflage.
The Snart was created to clean up stadiums and amphitheaters after events, and the creature is widely use for that purpose, but in the wild it prefers dog turds to empty cups or trash or anything else it can find except for political campaign buttons.
That is why you will sometimes see what appears to be a pile of dog turds moving around on the ground with a MAGA button stuck on top of it. Look closer, and under the pile of turds, you will see what appears to be a tiny old man on all fours wearing a guinea pig costume made out of old footy pajamas, but that is the animal’s actual hide. This creature is the Poopled Snart.
Poopled Snarts are bred and raced competitively and account for over 78% of all sports betting in North America.
Fun Fact:
Poopled Snarts are trained with foam-rubber dog turds sprayed with artificial scent, not real dog turds.
These training turds work best if they have a Sean Hannity quote written on them with permanent marker, but anything factually inaccurate from Fox News will work. You just write that shit on a plastic dog turd and throw it out there, and the Snarts will come running.
Habitat:
Any blue-collar workplace formerly occupied by people who loathed bullshit salesmen CEOs and spoiled rich kids. And the fucking Russians especially for Christ’s sake. The only fucking part of their xenophobia that actually made sense.
More Improbable Creatures:
This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.
