The Hollodius Vermunkle
The Hollodius Vermunkle is a flatulentophilic worm filled with imaginary wisdom and the need to educate people about how insensitive they are. The Vermukle is highly judgmental and must explain how any passing reference to race or ethnicity is condescending and malicious. Specimens have been known to rupture themselves if restrained from delivering their monologues of wisdom, particularly if the reference to race or ethnicity was humorous in nature.
The Vermunkle is up to date with every current trend in progressive thought and approaches politically correct speech as a competitive game of one-upmanship. Nothing gives the Vermunkle more satisfaction than exposing someone’s ignorance of the latest buzzword or concept for correct thought.
The Vermunkle is certain that everything it believes is the perfect and inevitable conclusion of human knowledge and could not possibly be disregarded or ridiculed by future generations. This creature does not believe in God, but lives in a world of saints and sinners and has more certainty than any religious fundamentalist. Like any hardcore fundamentalist, the Vermunkle is completely humorless and quick to condemn any person who disagrees with it.
The Vermunkle has all sorts of grand ideas about history and culture but is spectacularly ignorant of basic unflattering facts about peoples around the world. In the Vermunkle’s monologues of wisdom, there is the unquestioned assumption that greed and racism were invented by men or white people or Americans, and nothing is ever more important than a person’s status as a victim or membership in an oppressed group.
Fun Fact:
Like all flatulentophilic worms, the Hollodius Vermunkle cannot survive for long if deprived of its own anal gases.
Habitat:
Any place ordinary people try to have a conversation about anything.
More Improbable Creatures:
This trading card is part of a series titled “Uncle Joe’s Field Guide to Improbable Creatures” by Jethro Sleestak. View more Improbable Creatures.
