The Frizzled Kerploppamus
The Frizzled Kerploppamus is sometimes called “The Devil’s Bird Bath” or “Mother Nature’s Hungry Commode.” The creature’s lower jaw is disproportionately large and round and shaped like the bowl of a modern flushing toilet, while the upper jaw is flat and lid-like, capable of snapping down lightning fast and containing a mouthful of frantic birds.
The Kerploppamus hunts by leaving its mouth open with its upper jaw raised nearly vertical, allowing the bowl of the lower jaw to fill with rainwater, which sooner or later attracts birds, squirrels, yappy poodle dogs, snooping neighbors, and other prey. The creature is named for the “kerplop” sound that raindrops make when they fall into the water-filled bowl of the mouth.
Kerploppistan was famous in ancient times for the cruelty of its kings, who would force prisoners to relieve themselves into the mouths of these unpredictable beasts. An image of this terrifying and sometimes fatal punishment was stamped onto the reverse of their coins opposite the head of the king. The goldsmiths of later medieval times valued Kerploppi coins (and artifacts) much less than other ancient golden coins because of the higher concentration of base metals in Kerploppi gold. Hence the old expression, “I don’t give a kerplop.”
The marshy shores of Kerploppistan’s vast Lake Blunkaskya-Gersnoff (native), North America and New Zealand (invasive).