The Frizzled Kerploppamus Trading Card

The Frizzled Kerploppamus

The Frizzled Kerploppamus is sometimes called “The Devil’s Bird Bath” or “Mother Nature’s Hungry Commode.” The creature’s lower jaw is disproportionately large and round and shaped like the bowl of a modern flushing toilet, while the upper jaw is flat and lid-like, capable of snapping down lightning fast and containing a mouthful of frantic birds.

The Kerploppamus hunts by leaving its mouth open with its upper jaw raised nearly vertical, allowing the bowl of the lower jaw to fill with rainwater, which sooner or later attracts birds, squirrels, yappy poodle dogs, snooping neighbors, and other prey. The creature is named for the “kerplop” sound that raindrops make when they fall into the water-filled bowl of the mouth. Continue reading “The Frizzled Kerploppamus Trading Card”

The Merping Gwuntmump Trading Card

The Merping Gwuntmump

The Merping Gwuntmump is a semi-aquatic organism that was originally sold as “Sea Babies” by the Blammo Novelty company in the back of comic books in the early 1960s. After it was learned just how large Gwuntmumps could grow and what disgusting habits they had, Blammo quickly replaced Gwuntmumps with brine shrimp, and so tiny brine shrimp are what most people think of when Sea Babies are mentioned.

Just like brine shrimp, the Merping Gwuntmump is tiny when first hatched, but the Gwuntmump can grow to the size of a small human adult if fed an adequate diet and kept in a large enough aquarium.  The Gwuntmump is particularly fond of cabbage, beans, peanuts, pickled eggs, and sauerkraut, and it will fastidiously avoid any food that does not contribute to its overwhelming non-stop flatulence. Scientists believe that the Gwuntmump uses its flatulence to attract bugs and other prey, but humans, dogs, cats, and most other higher mammals find the odor unbearable. Continue reading “The Merping Gwuntmump Trading Card”