Bloney Sammich has a little too much mayonnaise in him. It leaks out and smears everything he touches. Bloney Sammich lives in a sandwich baggie left on the dashboard of a hot car that smells like farts.
Bloney Sammich’s girlfriend Tammy is a large dill pickle with juice in a zip baggie. Tammy looks like a big green turd floating in green turd juice.
Bloney Sammich does not like Foot Potater because Tammy used to date Foot Potater back when she waited tables at the steak house.
Foot Potater lives in the all-you-can eat buffet bar down at the steakhouse across from the airport, the one that keeps closing and reopening. Foot Potater made himself a nest from all the used tissues that people drop onto the salad bar while they talk on their cell phones or yell at their kids or just don’t pay attention.
Foot Potater’s knows that he isn’t supposed to, but he often takes a crap in the far end of the hot bar instead of getting down, usually into the chicken-fried steak or the sloppy joes or the special if it has gravy.
Donald Trump is a tiny little man. He says what stupid people want to hear. He doesn’t care what it destroys.
Donald Trump thinks he is a genius because he inherited a vast amount of wealth and was famous for it. He played the business genius on reality TV, and that is who the stupid people think he is.
Trump thinks it too because he’s pretty stupid. He thought running the country would be as simple as hiring people to flatter him, which is what most of his “business” experience had apparently been like. That and bankruptcies and fucking over contractors and suppliers.
Mr. Skanky is a rare dick-nosed dolphin, which have largely been displaced by the more common bottlenose dolphin. A Jersey Shore native, Mr. Skanky is a long-time associate of that bootiful murmaid, Miss Tammy Blarbstank.
Before being relocated to SeaWorld of Detroit, Mr. Skanky spent most of his waking hours digging through dumpsters in search of aluminum cans and panhandling for change outside of liquor stores.
Tammy Blarbstank is the most bootiful murmaid to have ever been dredged from the Jersey Shore. The men on the garbage scow that discovered Tammy used to pass the time by throwing her chicken bones and lumps of filth, which she would gobble up as quickly as possible, slapping away any seagulls that attempted to steal her treats.
Tammy began her life in captivity after she became entangled in a fishing net. Thankfully SeaWorld of Detroit was in dire need of a headline act, and the rest is history. Now children of all ages can bring sacks of garbage and feed Ms. Tammy whenever they want.